the truth

not more than one month
after valentine
everything had change
i didn't accept you
because of....many many things
i saw your FB post
how she called you
it seems like usual things for you
you know why i not allowed to called me pig
because i saw you called her the same word....
i rather you call my name that i wouldn't feel that i was same as other girls in your life
who u usually called pig...
at least i'm not the same like others
i found that i'm cheating myself
why am i that silly and stupid!!!!
i'm getting far from you
not like before
that day
i fall sick when working
feel weak and can't get up
not even can get up to do my work....
my face was like hell
this is my 1st time to fall a serious sick like that
that i also dunno why
they allowed me to rest & sleep
in the storeroom
after removing the heat from the body
my neck was red and swollen
i feel sick!!!
and why......
why i think of you...?
feel touched that my besties knew that i fall heavy sick
they come to my work place to see me
but i dunno coz i was still sleeping
from 4pm till 7pm
i woke up then my working friends told me
that you guys come and see me
and a cup of liang teh on the table for me
from my besties...
i was really touched...=')
but....
the 1st thing that i do when i woke up
is look at my phone
hoping that there is a msg from you like before
but....
its empty.....neither inbox nor call....
i was very disappointed....really disappointed!</3


the next day then i knew from friends that
u guys have been close together

a lot of news heard from my friends about you
u guys outing together
saying sweet words
and finally
i heard from my manager
you hold her hand....
FINALLY.......

faster than i thought
you and her together
that's what i expected earlier
why am i so stupid and still left a little trust on you.....

Time proves everthings.....

after that day
yes....we keep contact by messages
you wake me up every morning and
saying good night after i work
from you back to your hometown until you back here
i dunno what is our relationship
and i also do not wants to know.....
we are just like that

11 february
520....
through message you said to me.
what should i responds..
i do not know how to say out my feeling
and i can't trust you
because....because a lot of things
do you still remember what i've said at airport before i leave?
can't trust you because your life is too complicated...too many girls?
i knew it before i knew you
i know your friend helping you said the good things...
but i choose to trust myself my feeling
and yes those memories during the trips was so sweet
and never forget it

13 Feb
finally we met at tray cafe
for Valentine's Eve??
we eat and talk....and before i leave
you give me a yellow rose and a gift
which is a wallet.....touched and love it so much<3

14 Feb
you've ask my manager to give me an offday
but sorry i really can't make it
its really not enough staff
that night having supper with friends again
and back hostel
you said you bought a rose again
you passed to me and said to me ''Happy Valentines' day''
yesterday's rose is for Valentines' Eve and today is a true day
that's what you said
i appreciate it a lot a lot...
i dunno is from the true of you or you just get use to those with many other girls
sometime i choose not to know too many things and let it be
but anyway i just thanks....

we keep in touch everydays
and the trust makes me feel close to you
but why we just didn't meet up
you didn't ask me to meet up since actually we can
why are we just message???
and one day
should i said
you had break the trust of me toward you??
you....accidently sent a message which is not for me
and for others girl instead
why i was get mad and angry with you
i didn't even wants to reply your message anymore...
i angry because.....i care???
and that day i know i do care and have feeling to you
thats how you flirt those girls....??
why am i so stupid
finally next day
i do reply your message
you fall sicks....high fever
your friends was telling you are so pity
how i wish i can get there to see you....but i work
and i don't have the right feels anywore....

back to normal
we still contact through message
but i saw the things that i wasn't wanted to see
you.....get close to her
i see you post i see your comment
is that her purpose?
to show off that she is close to you
and the question is
WHY? and...why must HER?!?
she attached to me
is like my close friends...but that is last 2 years story
she was like my sister before
out together works together plays together
but.....at last she had show up the true her
i'm just like a toy
who can be good with when she is in good mood
and been throw at side when don't need
and she
complain to manager a lot a lot of things within our work place
my other friend who works there
also having conflict and wonder why i brought her to work there
i....was confuse at first and still protecting you!!
but at last....
i truly gone through her.....

no one understand her
i thought i've understand her  but no....i'm wrong
i still remember the one who have crush on me had tell me that he likes me
she.....attached to him again
is that what you want to show off to me that you are closer to him better than me
and.....whatever and who cares?!?!
cause do not have any feeling to him...!
But you....
why must you close to her ?

Thats the past......
few days later
you said that have to put relationships with other girls
the trust i have build are truly gone.....
the reason is.....to help your friends who have a guy that annoyed her
is that a good reason?!?
i was asking
why must help...? and why must you....?!?
you want me not to misunderstand.....?
if you do care about my feeling....if you really DO
you won't help that girl...
not because you tell me because you care!!!
why must you tell me all that since i'm not yours and you're not mine?!?!
why.....?

Stop replying your messages from that day....
and the following days
the stories comes.....which i don't even wanted to heard!!!

17F__WE MET

without planning 

without knowing 

and we....met 

same flight same departure time 

unexpected.....same seating row

you sit just besides me.....

i was thinking that my friend who promises me or us to go together 

for the trip but then he fail to go

just because of work....

what a good reason???

i was mad really mad....

but....just a trip so have fun with it...with my others friends....right??

and you...i have saw you before 

and we just know better for each other...

so nothing special...

both of us just reach KK earlier than our geng...5 of us

reach there we just have a shop

you are from Sandakan 

and you know well about KK 

So just trust you

and i just follow you

we shop together most of the shopping the whole morning....

and waiting for the shopping mall to open....silly right??

1st time doing that...

and doing the stupid things

as the auto glass door was not on yet early in the morning 

we were almost knock the shopping mall door

then just saw the people walk through the small door besides...

what a silly stupid us....

and still rmb it was raining non-stop 

can't get back to hotal

we just walk while raining and get back to hotel

my feeling was so weird 

why are this guy doing those stupid things with me....

and whatever i don't care

afternoon our geng was arrive

and shop again.....

we went to Manukan Island

and we snorkeling

my first time

i did't even know how to swim wearing a life jacket 

floating just besides the beach...

feel afraid when can't step on the floor when its too deep

you.....ask me to hold on the life jacket & swim with you

thats fun~!!

i saw a lot of small cute fish rather than the sandy water...lol

and we saw the love shape coral...

how sweet is that..<3

and we saw stingray!!!

its very dangerous and i know it...

but you....suddenly hold my hand...when swim through it

shocked and pass through it

and awake again..i remove my hand 

i know that wasn't right....

but why i have a weird feeling....

you give me a good memory along the trip and i appreciate it....

and when we get back to kuching

''you...cannot find other guys''

thats what i receive

is that means the story begins????